Monday, June 15, 2015

Running to Finish, Still not Enough

I'm not even awake yet and I'm already stressed. When I was little I ground my teeth when I slept. I still spot gray hairs even though I'm only twenty-two. I know, I don't have the most hectic schedule. Compared to others what I have is probably easy. But I still manage to stress myself out.

A full class schedule through the summer to prepare for more classes in the Fall. A desire for good workouts every morning. Research for a historical novel needs to be done perfectly. I want to be a helpful daughter and an available sister. Oh yeah, and I want to have longer devotional times.

I wake up in the morning with a mental list and a clock telling me I'm almost about to be late to start on the first item. When my feet hit the carpet I start running to accomplish the list with time to spare. I'm running to finish the day well. I want to say I spent it wisely, that I did everything that needed to be done.

But all it takes is a moment of distraction, a moment caught of guard, to throw me off track. The schedule changes suddenly or someone said something that made me frustrated. Suddenly I've been thrown off my groove and the rest of the day utterly fails. Even when I'm dedicating so much energy to spend my time wisely it's still not enough. I still run out to time to do everything. I still end every day with regrets and promise myself I'll do better starting tomorrow morning.

I kept wondering why I went on this way. I was doing everything right, so why didn't I feel content and satisfied at the end of the day? My Bible reading this month helped shed some light on my problem. In all my running, racing to get everything done, I was running in my own strength. I should know my own strength will never get me farther than a little way down the track. I still need to rely on God's strength to carry me through each day. Leaning on Him I can end each day content and satisfied, looking forward to walking even further with Him tomorrow.

I'm still learning to run each day with endurance, through Christ, and not to be such a perfectionist.

I suppose I was mainly rambling today. Has anyone else every felt this way? How do you refocus yourself when you get derailed from your schedule? Anyone else get encouragement from their Bible Reading lately for their time management?




  1. I've definitely felt that way. I'm torn on being a good daughter and sister and cousin and niece and editor and writer and friend and on and on, and it feels really hectic sometimes when you feel split in so many different directions. You worry if you're doing it all well and disappointing somebody. I've learned recently that trusting that it's all happening in God's plan really helps ease the stress. I recently had a situation where my plans all went awry but they ended up working out the best. One thing that helps me focus on my goals is lists. Lists have become my life. Everyday I make a sticky note with 12-14 things that need to be done today. Not next week or tomorrow today. This helps me focus on today's tasks and not stress about the future. I keep a separate list with long term to-dos.

    1. It's nice to know I'm not the only one! I've recently fallen in love with lists too. I haven't used sticky notes before, but I keep a mental list. That's really stressfull though so I've been experimenting with keeping a list in my school notebook for each week. I like the system you have though. I should try it. :) thanks for sharing!


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